1st Fetus DOTW

[snowcapt]

Congrats and all but I picked that Sunday to talk my wife into calling in for drunk of the week. 3 years of work down the drain.

And apparently, from the big news, there was also a shot that didnt go down the drain.

[captain carrot]

Congrats Beevo and Sam!

[Wutz]

My apologies, Beevo and Sam.

Seriously, though, thumbs up.

[BillfromOB]

Well, Beevo and Sam, I have a little more pessimistic view of child raising. All I can say is Good Freaking Luck with that. Here's how it goes....
1. 6 months of keeping you up every night
2. 2 years of cleaning shitty fucking diapers
3. 1 year of telling you NO because that's the easiest thing for them to say
4. 4-5 years of getting sick and getting you sick
5. 6 years of helping them with homework when all you want to do is have a beer and let your day full of bullshit go away- after that they know more than you and are very likely to inform you of such
7. teen years - need I say more?
If you have a boy, they need beat on a regular basis to keep them in line until they get to be at least 18 yo. If you have a girl, well Sam, just remember all the things you did when you were dating. Now her dates are trying to do it to your daughter. And yes you will know when her dates come to the door.
8. 4 years at least of paying through the nose for college.
9. Then just when you think you're going to get your life back, they move back in because they can't find a job!
10. Oh Beev, the stretch marks - did either of your families have large babies. Envision a 9 or 10 lb football- just sayin'
11. Sex. Um, well lets see. You're too tired the first 6 months. You're pissed off at each other the next 2 years because someone of the other is not doing enough to help the other. You too fucking sick the next 4-5 years. Then you're too tired and stressed out because of work and family for the next 6 years. Too aggravated for the next 4 years. Too stressed out because of finances for the next 4 years. After that you look at each other and say, "what the fuck happened to the young, in-shape person I married." You start to get back into shape and fuck like minks. And then the kids move back in.

One huge piece of advise in case you find the time and energy to have sex; teach your child that when your door is closed, make sure he or she knocks and gets permission to come in before they open the door. Nothing worse than having your kids see either one of you naked with your legs in the air and yelling something about Jesus that has nothing to do with religion.

But seriously, congrats. It can be rewarding when it's all over. Oh ya, it's never over. Well, maybe when you die.

[CRBrewHound]

Well, Beevo and Sam, I have a little more pessimistic view of child raising. All I can say is Good Freaking Luck with that. Here's how it goes....
1. 6 months of keeping you up every night
2. 2 years of cleaning shitty fucking diapers
3. 1 year of telling you NO because that's the easiest thing for them to say
4. 4-5 years of getting sick and getting you sick
5. 6 years of helping them with homework when all you want to do is have a beer and let your day full of bullshit go away- after that they know more than you and are very likely to inform you of such
7. teen years - need I say more?
If you have a boy, they need beat on a regular basis to keep them in line until they get to be at least 18 yo. If you have a girl, well Sam, just remember all the things you did when you were dating. Now her dates are trying to do it to your daughter. And yes you will know when her dates come to the door.
8. 4 years at least of paying through the nose for college.
9. Then just when you think you're going to get your life back, they move back in because they can't find a job!
10. Oh Beev, the stretch marks - did either of your families have large babies. Envision a 9 or 10 lb football- just sayin'
11. Sex. Um, well lets see. You're too tired the first 6 months. You're pissed off at each other the next 2 years because someone of the other is not doing enough to help the other. You too fucking sick the next 4-5 years. Then you're too tired and stressed out because of work and family for the next 6 years. Too aggravated for the next 4 years. Too stressed out because of finances for the next 4 years. After that you look at each other and say, "what the fuck happened to the young, in-shape person I married." You start to get back into shape and fuck like minks. And then the kids move back in.

One huge piece of advise in case you find the time and energy to have sex; teach your child that when your door is closed, make sure he or she knocks and gets permission to come in before they open the door. Nothing worse than having your kids see either one of you naked with your legs in the air and yelling something about Jesus that has nothing to do with religion.

But seriously, congrats. It can be rewarding when it's all over. Oh ya, it's never over. Well, maybe when you die.

Holy crap did the wife call you and tell you about my life!

[Wutz]

Holy crap did the wife call you and tell you about my life!

Nah, a dose of reality needed to be sent handed down from someone who has experienced it.

Me? I neither want to have, plan to entertain the thought of having, or even like kids. Unfortunately, my view is not shared by many. Me being a pessimistic grouch when it comes to kids is just me being a pessimistic grouch until someone who has experienced it speaks up. Every time I read a post like that I'm reminded why I feel the way I do, I feel justified in my position, and I'm reminded that I'm not just a grouch: I'm a smart grouch in touch with what I feel.

Here's a quip that speaks all to well of my (and many others') time growing up: "Everyone wants a baby. No one wants a pre-teen, teenager, or young adult."

I can't help but feel like, more and more, babies are the new puppies. There was/is an epidemic of middle-aged dogs on the streets because puppies are cute but no one wants to take/spend the time when they're done being puppies and start being dogs. Babies are cute but more and more people aren't doing a good enough job parenting kids when they're done being babies and start being people.

[mookie1010]

I didn't think that I wanted kids through my early thirties - something changed and a few years ago mrs. mook and I decided we wanted to have one or two.

Yes, you will lose sleep.
Yes, diapers suck.
Yes, you will be sick a lot. Like, good lord, is this little thing ever well?
Yes, you don't get to do half of the things you want to and there's never time for anything.

They're fuckin' adorable though, and totally worth it. I laugh all day long with mine as she tells the dog to sit while he's lying down, says hi to my shoes over and over again and confuses the word shoes with juice.

The first year is hard, but don't worry - you'll be so delirious you won't know how hard it is until you've made it through that period. Congrats!

[andy77]

One huge piece of advise in case you find the time and energy to have sex; teach your child that when your door is closed, make sure he or she knocks and gets permission to come in before they open the door. Nothing worse than having your kids see either one of you naked with your legs in the air and yelling something about Jesus that has nothing to do with religion.

This is great advice, ask me how I know.